I know I haven’t been writing on this blog for some time now but I have been writing!

I have just been concentrating on the positive things that I need to achieve and want and am able to do. I have been collecting my thoughts, spending time with family and friends, dreaming, and fighting yet another infection!

I went to see my consultant and in spite of the infections they are hoping to do the operation to re-repair my forehead, only this time they will use vascular surgery and take veins and skin from my forearm and I am positive that this will work.

Although I can now drink my coffee through the hole, I have threatened to appear on Britain’s Got Talent with a stream of multicoloured smoke if I don’t get fixed soon.

At this moment in time I am awaiting a date to be co-ordinated for the surgery to take place as it has to fit in with all of my consultants.

I am alive! I am positive! I am grateful!

Thank you.

As you may have noticed, I haven’t written much over the past few weeks.

I just haven’t had the dead space.

My car broke down the Friday we were supposed to drive my beautiful, if completely scatty, Aura Dora dog back from Spain and we were repatriated through military airspace to combat the volcanic ash cloud last Tuesday.

On top of that I have been put back on antibiotics as my head became swollen and my wound festered and I have now secured an appointment with my ENT consultant for the morning.

Instead of harbouring on aobut bad luck I decided to leave writing anything until I could be a little positive and today is my beautiful sister’s birthday and that makes me happy.

I am so grateful for the support of my family and my sister who is so talented has helped me and helped me over the past years.

Happy Birthday to my wonderful friend. I love you.

I am in Spain again.

I came over on the ferry last Friday and will be here for a few more days until the ferry home with my lovely dog, Aura.

I have just been having a look at my bucket list for 2010 and seeing how much I am managing to achieve.

I am in the process of point 5 – to drive to Spain. We had a 24 hour journey from Portsmouth to Santander and from there an 8 hour drive to Javea, on the east coast where my boyfriend lives.

As he has been helping me through my operation and ongoing illness he is going to stay with me in London until our lives change around and so we have come back to get the house ready for in order to let it out for summer rentals and to hopefully make enough money for him to keep his home.

Being ill not only affects you but the amount of disruption that everyone who is close to you has to deal with can be immeasurable. My boyfriends’ mother has lived in his house for the past few years and so is having to pack up and move to London to stay with her other son too.

But we will get through it and enjoy the chaos that is part of life.

I am achieving another goal and that is to be celebrated.

Osteomyelitis is infection of the bone. Usually caused by a bacterial infection, quite hard to initially diagnose and usually found in the long bones of the body.

Although it affects children and adults, it is usually the result of another infection that gets into the blood stream.

I have added a link to a far more knowledgeable and reliable source on the link section but want to just share some questions to ask and things to be aware of for anyone who is diagnosed with osteomyelitis.

Ask for your CRP levels. These are the C-reactive proteins that measure the level infection in your body. Usually under 5 in a healthy adult, they can be increased by other conditions but you will generally see these levels coming down once you have been given the correct antibiotics to counter the infection.

Make sure that you get your blood levels taken on a regular basis and that these are going down. Your bloods should be taken at least once a week and monitored to ensure that the antibiotics you are taking have taken and are continuing to take effect.

Make sure you take a detailed list of all the medication you are taking and read and take note of the side effects that the antibiotics have. You may have to take them without food or avoid dairy products for a while. This is all very important as you want the antibiotics to work and for you to recover as quickly as possible.

Be aware that some antibiotics actually make you feel worse than you did before becoming ill. If you take care of yourself and increase any vitamins and minerals you may need this should help you recover once you have completed your course of antibiotics. But make sure that they will not interfere with your medication.

Make a diary of your food intake as this might be altered due to the effect of the infection and antibiotics. Be aware of what you are able to eat and make sure that you do as your body is telling you. There are some people who have documented that they become gluten intolerent during infection and have chaged their diet accordingly. This is very personal but be aware of your body and try different food groups that can help you get through this period without as much pain and to help with any stomach and bowel problems that you may have to deal with during the long period of taking medication. Please consult your doctors if you are concerned at all about any problems such as diarrhea as they may have to change your antibiotics to combat colitis and they can also do a full blood count and suggest any supplements that you may be lacking due to the medication.

If you have an open wound make sure that you are cleaning it in the correct manner. Ask for help by somebody in the infection control department if you are unsure as someone who is not specialised or used to dealing with Osteomyelitis may not give you the correct advice.

Ask questions and do not be afraid. I know that there isn’t that much help for you as there would be with more infamous illnesses but this can be beaten. There are loads of us that have lived with, conquered and quashed this disease. Some time and time again and some forever.

Be positive. Be determined. Be honest with yourself and rest when you need to rest and be well when you can be well.

I have mentioned my dream to create Piotopia (pioneering Utopia) before.

Yesterday I started the humungous task of drawing up all of the lists of tasks that I need to crack on with in order to bring my dream to fruition.

Having had more time than I would like to think over the past 8 years I have often pondered on a way that would help us, as a society, really re-create the community that our whole humanity has been based on and that seems to have become a little lost in todays transient society and lifestyle.

Based on my happiest memories of being involved in social groups who would get together to perform to the local community for charity I have come up with an idea that has just grown and grown into something far bigger than I could have ever envisioned but along with that vision comes a lot of work which can very often be hampered by not feeling very well and so it has taken its toll on the project.

Over the next couple of months I hope to solidify my ideas and, whether it can be adopted or not, I will be able to lay this little baby to bed.

Onward, upward, forward.

Challenge, choice and contentment.

Oh, and of course, sunshine to make my engine work!

Eyjafjallajokull.

Not the most pronounceable word I know but this seemingly tiny volcano is wreaking havoc with Europe and the knock on effects have stranded people all over the world.

If this volcano had been in another part of the world and caused as much change to economic and personal lives of those who lived in the wake of the drama I am almost sure that there would have been a call to Western World to help.

Why then, are we not doing the same for our own people.

Just because people travel does not necessarily mean that they are rich, have access to credit cards, insurance, mortgage help.

There must be so many people who will suffer financially from the knock on effects that we are experiencing during this natural phenomenon and although I have greatly appreciated the peace and quiet that a sky less air traffic has given me it does not mean that I can not understand that this will have a profound affect on some peoples lives.

What type of world do we live in when we can’t see the problems that are occurring under our very noses?

AND those who are trying to help under there own steam are stopped because the powers that be ’say so’. Thwarted power boats across the channel just crying out to help.

Some unfortunate souls will be stranded in a foreign country with nothing. Some will not be able to pay rent at the end of the month. Some will require medical help that their travel insurance will not cover.

Come on guys – let us be proud of ourselves and help in any way we can.

I have lived in London on and off for almost 15 years.

In all that time I have never even considered the amount of noise pollution that affects every minute of every day.

As I said yesterday I really want to find my nice, happy person that I know I can be and so, this morning, I took my cup of coffee into the sunny garden.

And for the first time it was peaceful.

I could hear the birds. I could see blue skies. I could almost touch sanity.

I am so grateful.

I know that people around the world will be on the other side of sanity trying to get into an aeroplane but for once I can honestly say that nature has power over the western world too.

I know that we see and hear in the media about natural disasters and occurances around our beautiful planet but it isn’t very often that nature really does come into our cushy lives within the first world.

Today I will rejoice in the layer of ash clouds that have won the battle with us and take every moment to savour the quiet beauty that can be found. Even in London,

I have decided to go away and find myself for a couple of days.

Not very far. In fact I probably won’t go anywhere but I need to use the time that I have on my own, no child and no parental units around, to see if I can get back that person I love to be.

As you are probably aware I have not been feeling very positive as of late. Unfortunately I don’t seem to have any control over these feelings and they have taken my very unawares.

I was feeling incredibly positive and with an uncontrollable zest for living a couple of weeks ago and I want to coerce that person back.

I am determined.

I have jobs to do.

I have to focus.

I have to enjoy.

I have to embrace.

I will survive.

The below is a picture of my open wound.

Do not scroll down the page if you are at all squeamish as it shows the pieces of bone coming through the necrotic skin tissue.

DO NOT LOOK AT THE BELOW PHOTO IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH