I love the stuff – Sudafed is it’s common name and it has helped me through some rough times over the past few years let me tell you.

So because of some bad guys who use it to make some hard core drugs I am going to have to suffer.

No longer is it manufactured in 12 hours slow release so I have to take the full dose and it makes me giddy.

I will explain.

As you know I have had sinus problems for some time, couple that with infection and I am left with a gaping hole in my head.

So although I always had a theory that when I was feeling infected the pseudoephedrine would help I can actually see what it does now through the hole.

If I leave my wound and do not take any medication whatsoever my wound becomes encrusted and further damage to the soft tissue (skin) occurs and yet when I take pseudoepherdrine it inhibits the mucous and I am left with a neat and tidy hole instead.

So my question is why, oh why, do I have to suffer because of a few?

I am really cross as I know that I can get the 12 hour release in Europe but am unable to even get it on prescription in the UK.

I know that constant use stops its effectiveness but I have used it when needed for the past 8 years and can honestly say that it takes down any swelling and enables me to have an almost normal day when I have an infection.

I have seen it. I have felt it.

Why do the drug companies and governments not ask those who suffer what the benefits are before they bow down to pressure to be politically correct.

Those who make illegal drugs are only going to find something else but how long will it be before I am able to have something that is as effective and has gone through the lengthly drug agency procedures and tests.

I know it has saved me a few times but am now even more uncertain about my future.

Come on guys – give those of us that are trying a chance.

On Friday morning I actually noticed that one of the corners of my now very pronounced hole was leaving residence.

Yes, there is a little bit of bone that is protruding and on examination my ENT surgeon pronounced that it was indeed bone that I was looking at on a daily basis the only problem being is that it is not very good bone!!!

As I was taking the opportunity to sit in the patch of garden that was being shown a little sunshine this morning I was contemplating the leper colony that was once an island off of Greece and thinking that if I have to deal with a much larger facial deformity than I have dealt with over the past 9 years I would rather face up to this in a warmer and more inclusive environment rather than the cold and very unforgiving UK.

I could still be of benefit in a comforting environment. I could do chores or take the place of a working child in a 3rd world country.

As I have had do deal with the social system based in the UK for so long and been offered the social care system that personally holds no benefit to me mentally whatsoever I am contemplating starting an exchange programme.

Anyone want to join? I will take the place of a 3rd world child in a factory environment and they would be able to benefit from an education in the UK. The only problem being is that they would have to deal with the problems associated with growing up here and to be honest – if I am thinking their lifestyle is better what on earth could I do to encourage them to think that they would be better off here?

Just a thought.

So I went to see my ENT surgeon on Friday.

I have been off the antibiotics for nearly 3 weeks and so on that note everything is looking good.

There is a problem though. The bone graft under the titanium plate which is almost the size of my forehead is rubbish. It doesn’t have a good blood suppl and has therefore not taken very well and, in turn, it is causing the hole in the skin to get larger.

And so he spoke rapidly about me going to be centre of discussion at their multidisciplinary meetings so that they can all discuss what they are going to do with me.

Frontal bone flap, skin grafts blah, blah, blah!

I just get more complicated as this story unfolds.

My ENT surgeon told me that he often speaks to my plastics consultant and whilst they have conversations regarding world politics, the state of finance, they inevitably turn the conversation around to me!

Needless to say I am going to have to go through another almighty operation but at least I am alive to do it after seemingly beating MSSA, pseudomonas and strep infections to this point.

I spent yesterday and the rest of Friday dealing with my PTSD in its angry phase. Hating the world and feeling as though I had consumed a bottle of wine whilst watching people brush past me all being normal.

l even tried to do ‘normal’ myself and sit and have coffee and a cake without hatred wanting to punch every living soul (including dive bombing pigeons).

Needless to say – PTSD and the pigeons won!

I have just had to call one of the hospitals to find out the time of my appointment with my ENT surgeon tomorrow as I still have not had written confirmation of this very important follow up which was made when I was discharged from the last surgery.

The reason I know about the appointment at all was that I called the registrar who was present during surgery to find out about the antibiotic regimen which was not clear upon my discharge last time and who told me catagorically to come into the ENT clinic the following Tuesday to have the splints from nose removed.

This was not a scheduled appointment and so upon arrival at the clinic desk the receptionists were shocked to hear that it was ‘my responsibilty’ to turn up sans appointment and get my very uncomfortable nasal support system removed. Therefore I know that this is uncommon practice and, once again, I was left up to my own devices with regard my care.

Because there was no official appointment booked they were without my notes and told me that the only appointment they had was for tomorrow.

Thankfully, I am now in a better position mind wise to remember this and called to find out exactly when I am due in.

I just feel so sorry for those who are unable to care for themselves and keep completely up to date with their own care or their carers. It is no wonder that the NHS trust is in such a shambles.

Just imagine that I were due hospital transport. If I were unaware of the appointment, this would be wasted along and before long I would have received a DNA notice (did not attend) which would have been unjustly telling me that they would probably wash their hands of me because of my shocking disrespect for their perfect system.

I know that the NHS is very busy and that everyone (including the politicians – you know who you are) say that it is the best free healthcare system in the world. But unfortunately it is failing me miserably. IT IS ALSO NOT FREE. We (who do work) contribute to this system with our National Insurance Contributions.

Perhaps if it were flagged up that is a care system paid for by the public rather than a health system paid for by the government and run as such instead of the commercially unviable and painfully inadequate service that I seem to deal with constantly due to the lack of continuity we would all have the ambition to keep the NHS as something that we, as Brits, could truely come to be proud of.

I am not saying that it doesn’t work for the majority of souls but just imagine if we were reminded that each person that goes through the system is entitled to go through as a human being, with the dignity and respect to be able to be alive because of human advancement and not pushed aside because ridiuculous forms need to be filled or rules that are only beneficial to statistics come first.