As you may have noticed, I haven’t written much over the past few weeks.

I just haven’t had the dead space.

My car broke down the Friday we were supposed to drive my beautiful, if completely scatty, Aura Dora dog back from Spain and we were repatriated through military airspace to combat the volcanic ash cloud last Tuesday.

On top of that I have been put back on antibiotics as my head became swollen and my wound festered and I have now secured an appointment with my ENT consultant for the morning.

Instead of harbouring on aobut bad luck I decided to leave writing anything until I could be a little positive and today is my beautiful sister’s birthday and that makes me happy.

I am so grateful for the support of my family and my sister who is so talented has helped me and helped me over the past years.

Happy Birthday to my wonderful friend. I love you.

OK, so I wasn’t brave enough to actually give the doctors surgery the letter I wrote but I did summarise what I had written to the locum that I managed to get an appointment with and go through so of my issues in the 10 minute alloted appointment.

Apparently they had supported my request for DLA, in what form I do not know as I was not privvy to that information. What I do know is that I now have a letter to support my application to appeal to the refusal of my initial claim for Disability Living Allowance.

I had almost given up on the idea of appeal as I did feel quite well for a couple of weeks but unfortunately I am again suffering from dizziness which is so bad that it causes nausea.

It probably is stress again but I have another appointment with the same doctor in two weeks time to see if the codeine analgesic has worked or to bring forward my next appointment with the ENT surgeon.

I am so sick of being sick. And with the stress of everything it is so hard to differentiate between what is going on physically to what is going on psychologically. Either way it spoils the days that I have with my son and that is what led me to make the decision to appeal.

We (the doctor and I) did discuss going back on anti-depressants but it is not really an option that I even want to consider. Although they do help they come with their own problems. Firstly they take weeks to work and then, for me, they take away my fire and passion, which to me is very important. They make me bored of life and that goes completely against what I do and need to feel.

And so, as I sit here and contemplate my spinning world, I at least know that I am doing something constructive and hopefully will get the recognition that without undoubtedely makes me question myself.

Well, I am just too excited.

I am off to sunny Spain tomorrow and I don’t know what to do with myself.

Just so you know I might be too involved with sunshine and open spaces to consider the cyber world but you might get a sneaky look in somewhere along the line.

I have waited soooo long for this that I am scared that it will go by too quickly.

Passport, check. Exhorbitant insurance, check. Letter from the consultant stating all the wrong things – check. Medical bits and bobs, check. Packed yet – noo!

Off I pop then and I shall try to master the art of uploading some beautiful pictures.

Adios amigos

I got it!

Only £54 for a 7 day trip. Not too much really but when you consider it is the same as the flight it is a bit extortionate and because I want my son to be covered just in case he needs to be repatriated with me I have to pay the same again for him. So that means a grand total of over £100. They must love me.

I am only going to Spain and this will only cover me for public health in Spain. No private healthcare for me. I still have to carry my NHS card and therefore I am completely confused and becoming poorer!

But that is ok, at least I have the chance to get away after 9 months of living with disease, day in, day out. I will get to see the sea and the sunshine. Hopefully I will be able to relax a bit before the next round of operations begin.

Just hope that all goes well tomorrow with my smiley plastics consultants – As it is my birthday I may even butter them up with some doughnuts or a Dora the Explorer cake.

If I had been diagnosed with HIV, I would get disability and a very good long term prognosis.

If I had been diagnosed as Autistic, I would get a blue badge with no worries.

If I had been diagnosed as having arthritis I would been given a car.

If I had cancer I would be given disability with a percentage of how many people survive from the situation at hand. I would hold on to the part that was positive.

Not one of my consultants has been able to tell me that I will live. The most optimistic they have been is to say that ‘they hope so’.

So why the hell do I keep getting treated as if I am a thief.

Why when you are so ill for so long do you have to fight the system when you need it the most.

I am decided. I am going to confront the person who put their name on the letter and make them look at my head.

I have had enough – I pay £115 for 1 weeks insurance for a pre- existing medical condition, one of my consultants tell me that the infection I have now is different from the infection that had been CUT OUT of my head, the infections that I have been told I have and those that I have seen written down are MSSA, pseudomonas, diptheroids, strep all hospital bugs and in 8 years of infection never mentioned. Yet I have sinusitis written down instead. This would invalidate my assurance and I know that it is untrue. It is just a euphamistic way to take the blame from nosocomial (hospital acquired) infections. I can not afford for this to happen. I have paid my way and my son deserves the pay out if, because of listening to everyone else I am not around to care for him. In the meantime I am spending all that is left of his meager inheritance on life because the Department of Work and Pensions say that I am not ill enough – I have legs.

Forgive me for anything that I do from now on.

Watch this space. You want to start – I am game.

I have got a freedom pass!

Not a disability or pensioner pass as you might think but a letter from my consultant saying that my condition is stable and that I am fit for travel.

Super dooper, fantastic and all my dreams come true in three little sentences.

I have booked a week in Spain over Easter and now I only have the small but crucial job of finding a travel insurance provider that will cover me for this short escape.

I have had travel insurance for my previous condition before but it cost me over £300 a year and then, when I needed to claim for stolen luggage from a hijack attempt (another story) it took almost 3 years!

So I shall begin my hunt for an insurance company to cover all scenarios and eventualities and let you know the outcome.

As I have mentioned before I have been given the contact details for companies that cover cancer and other conditions that are more infamous but from previous experience it is really difficult to find a helpful travel insurance package for pre-existing medical conditions that don’t come with their own tick box or notoriety press coverage.

Wish me luck as I want to become an escape artist for the first time in 9 months.